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For Your Sunday Chuckle: Low Churchman’s Guide to Byrd

Ritualists begin indoctrinating their children at an early age. Any child brought up in a High Church household will remember being taught church music through Byrd’s graded series of masses, beginning with the Mass for Three Voices and advancing through the four- and five-voice masses until mastering the famous Mass for Seventeen Voices. The colourful covers of Byrd’s masses are a familiar sight in Ritualist parishes, captivating children who do not realize until too late that they are being ensnared by anti-English subversives. Byrd’s attractive illustrations and insidiously catchy melodies are used to induct the young into Ritualist dogma: by singing the superficially attractive melodies of the masses, children are taught to believe in the Preemptive Supererogation of Mary Immaculate, the Conditional Rebaptism of the Lesser Heathen, and other superstitious doctrines. Loyal churchmen must search their children’s rooms diligently to ensure that none of the music of Byrd is in their possession, for a child who sings Byrd masses at the age of eight will be ready for armed rebellion against the Crown by eleven.

Although best known for his famous masses, Byrd wrote other works as well. Among his most famous motets must be named “Quodcunque ligaveris,” “Quotiescunque manducaveris,” and “Quandocumque praecipitis,” works whose unpronounceable texts do not prevent them from being sung in Ritualist parishes on a weekly basis. Byrd’s motet “Domine praestolamur” is better known to modern-day churchmen under the title “Sister, let me be your servant,” which despite its rather loose translation of the original Latin and surface differences from Byrd’s music is a remarkably faithful adaption of Byrd’s original.

A musician of the seventeenth-century Chapel Royal, William Byrd was expelled from the court of Elizabeth I in 1625 as the result of an incense-related scandal. Byrd later settled in Virginia, where he gave aid and comfort to colonial revolutionaries in their fight against the British Empire.

Have a blessed Sunday!

From the hilarious blog, The Low Churchman’s Guide to the Solemn High Mass.

Oct 19 – Homily: God’s will be Done

Fr. Elias on how God is so omnipotent that he can work His will through the most unlikely people, including Cyrus the King of Persia, who was the pagan ruler over the Israelites and unexpectedly…
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Oct 19 – Homily: God, Sovereign Ruler of All

Let us render to God what is God’s, viz., our entire selves. Ave Maria! Mass: 29th Sunday in Ordinary Time – Sunday – Form: OF Readings: 1st: isa 45:1, 4-6 Resp: psa 96:1, 3, 4-5, 7-8, 9-10…
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Oct 19 – Homily: What is God’s?

Father Maximilian comments on today’s Gospel, and tells us that Our Lord’s response is deeper than it first appears, for everything belongs to God, we have our civic duties, yes, but even those…
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Oct 18 – Homily: St. Luke, Apostle?

Oct 18 – Homily: St. Luke, Apostle?

Father comment that while St. Luke was not an apostle, he is celebrated as one in the liturgy of today. The reason is that his apostleship is through the Gospel he wrote, he brings us the news…
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Thanking God for the Extraordinary Synod on the Family

The Synod has just wrapped up its work, with a positive message, and although there is obviously a lot more ink to be spilled, I personally believe its greatest work has been accomplished.At the time of the midterm report, an attempt was made to draft …

Oct 18 – Homily: St. Luke, the Evangelist

Oct 18 – Homily: St. Luke, the Evangelist

God is the Author of Sacred Scripture and, as such, it teaches us the truth, without error, for the sake of our salvation. Ave Maria! Mass: St. Luke the Evangelist – Feast – Form: OF Readings:…
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Oct 18 – Homily: St Luke, Marian Evangelist

Oct 18 – Homily: St Luke, Marian Evangelist

Fr. Elias on the Gospel according to St. Luke whose feast day it is today. He focuses on the Marian dimension of the Good News of which Luke focuses on more than the other Evangelists that…
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Oct 17 – Homily: Be Not Afraid

Oct 17 – Homily: Be Not Afraid

Our Lord teaches us to see clearly the value of eternal life and that nothing, not even torture and death, should hinder us from attaining it. Ave Maria! Mass: St. Ignatius of Antioch – Mem…
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Oct 17 – Homily: Ignatius, Witness of Faith

Oct 17 – Homily: Ignatius, Witness of Faith

Fr. Joachim gives an account of the life and martyrdom of St. Ignatius of Antioch, bishop and martyr, and how he taught his congregation to sing just as St. John, his direct mentor, had heard…
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